Sometimes, I feel as though one or more aspects of my life have become disparate tumbleweeds, rolling aimlessly along an unseen path formed by the wind. Busily moving “somewhere”, I feel disconnected to anything tangible and true. On these very days, it feels most important for me to pause to reconnect with my center, my core, my life.
One recent morning, I noticed a sense of swirling around. Not in a dizzying way; rather, the energy from multiple aspects of my life was swirling around me. But this time, each energy entangled itself into one or more of the others, as if the entanglements themselves had joined in for the swirling excitement of the ride.
My initial felt-sensing at the edge of the pause brings a fresh-sounding knowing: “As with charity, intimacy begins at home, with me.” It seems to invite a quality of becoming comfortable, warm and familiar with all that is my life in this particular moment. To be in love with that which is real, rather than with my fantasies and dreams.
Shortly after, an expansive, almost tactile, image appears inside: a fingertip caress—as though caressing a newborn baby with respect, awe and wonder. Alongside, another phrase bubbles up: “being comfortable in my own skin”. And, during silent, wonder-filled moments that follow, an auditory sense of “It really likes the quiet”.
Gradually, I become aware of a kind of vertical push/pull within my chest. First, a spark of “Oh, I can do this!”. Not necessarily that I have anything specific under control, but that I can be up to the challenge. Recognizing, too, a downward side of that push/pull – that feels overwhelmed, discouraged, frustrated. And, then, as I can acknowledge there is a “something” both above and below, I also see there is a choice for me to make.
Then, something comes in the back of my mouth and throat–something wanting to speak. As I feel a tightness….in the wanting, I glimpse the possibility to conceive a bit of distance from the wanting (instead of becoming immersed within it). By taking simply a virtual step or two away, it becomes possible to create a space in which to let and allow my own magic (my unique blend of strengths, abilities) to emerge.
For better or for worse, this moment in time IS my life. Who I am in this moment contains both the me I have always been, continuing throughout the bringing forth of the me I am ever-becoming. Being open and quietly self-confident, I more easily understand my role in the overall process of life, accompanied by a continual invitation to celebrate what is. Letting go of ever-present ‘ifs’ and ‘shoulds,’ I freely accept the response-ability to make my own days glad.
* Originally published as => Kiener, M.E. (2016, October). Choosing Courageous Wellbeing: For All That Is My Life. Sibyl Magazine. For the Spirit and Soul of Woman. Retrieved from www.sibylmagazine.com.
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