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A Sense of “Being With”

“Are you ok?” The young man’s concern penetrated my awareness. Moments earlier, we had both been part of a group elsewhere in the building. I had slipped away from the group to respond to an unexpected text message I had just received. He had followed close behind.

He told me that he had purposefully followed me out to the hallway and that he often finds himself choosing to “hang on” with someone to help ease his anxiety. How fascinating, I thought–for I already noticed I was experiencing a bit of anxiety inside me as well. Except, mine had stemmed from sensing him simply wanting to “hang on” to my presence.

The next day, I spent a few moments inviting a fresh inner sense of the “all that” around this interesting dichotomy. First, I remembered being a young girl, when my younger girl cousins would come to visit and tend to follow me around, as if to “hang on” to my every action. And, then, a more recent, contrasting memory emerged. Following an out-of-town trip getting to know a new friend–he told me how abandoned he felt when at one point during our visit I had “walked away from him”.

Sitting there with both of those memories, tears began to well up in my eyes–that sharp, salty, old, deep, emotional kind of tears. I could also sense the tears in front of me–on my upper right side. As if standing behind it, I began to sense of how anxious that place inside feels to have someone around too much, or to be among too many people at once, at the same time.

Yet, even as I stayed with that place, a part of me moved around to stand a little bit to the right of the teary place. As I looked on it from the right side, there was a vague wondering of….very early on….did someone push ME away? Was there someone who didn’t want me? As I said those words aloud, the teary place felt suddenly heard. Fresh, cleansing tears began to flow. This time, tears of recognition that I had never encountered that question–that possibility–in quite that way before.

With the tears, arrived a deep (almost knowing) understanding of my mother’s probable challenge–how to welcome and cherish a long-hoped-for daughter into an already exhausting household filled with the energy of 3 boys under the age of nine. No wonder it seemed as though she never quite knew how to be with me…until, much later in life, when we learned how to be with each other.

I sat a few moments longer, appreciating different perspectives of “being with” another. Suddenly, a cold, wet nose captured my attention. Ah, it’s Blue, that delightful, new 4-footed guy in my life—an altogether different “being with” story!

* Originally published as => Kiener, M.E. (2016, March). Choosing Courageous Wellbeing: A sense of being with. Sibyl Magazine. For the Spirit and Soul of Woman. Retrieved from www.sibylmagazine.com.

by mary elaine kiener Leave a Comment

Breath-Taking Moments

I so love the “breath-taking moment-of-life” quality of an epiphany—as in a sudden, insightful realization into the essential meaning of a simple, mundane experience. Recently, I received a serendipitous insight as it emerged from a simple act of breathing.

Over the past year, I have invested countless hours into voice and Alexander Technique lessons. Much of my learning involves un-learning numerous patterns and postures I had acquired throughout decades of unawareness. Both teachers, with their wisdom, patience and compassion, have helped me realize how these patterns and postures affect my ability to be present and interact with the world around me. These habits had frequently stemmed from a self-protective response to recurring aspects of my life. Each resulted in an increasingly difficult and unnatural way of “doing” life, with less of the easeful simplicity and sense of wellbeing to which I aspire.

Not surprisingly, much of my ongoing discovery process has been about my breathing–a source of life-long challenges for me. One day, for example, my voice teacher had observed that my whole torso seemed to “collapse” at the end of an exhale. As a result, I would end up struggling with each recurring inhalation to re-find the desired quality of vocal production. I became exhausted from attempts to hold myself upright and felt discouraged as the quality of my singing seemed to stubbornly resist improvement. Concurrently, my Alexander teacher had been patiently helping me learn to “lengthen and allow” my body to move more naturally and freely. Until, gradually, I began to be aware of the sweetly subtle shifts which can now allow more ease and flow into my patterns of movement.

Which leads us to the epiphany itself. I was in the car, on my way to sing in a concert, including a solo that my voice teacher had chosen for me. It’s a lovely piece, well suited for my voice. We had spent weeks preparing for the performance. Having finished my vocal warmup at home, I was using the short time in the car to again bring awareness to my breathing. There, at a traffic light, I recalled my voice teacher’s earlier observations. Blessedly, I also began to clearly experience subtle shifts in body posture that would result in a freer, more natural exhale instead of either the undesired pattern of collapse or the over-compensatory, rigid pattern of holding.

In return for my gentle pause to notice–and exhale–without collapsing, I received a breath-taking, aha moment of living, within its own life-giving moment of breathing. I realized anew how each act of breath-taking reflects our ongoing being-with life.

Just now, yet another epiphany arrives with a gently whispered invitation from inside: “Let’s practice expiring.” As if to say, let’s no longer die a little death inside by collapsing with every exhale, but rather always living forward into fresh possibility.

* Originally published as => Kiener, M.E. (2016, February). Choosing Courageous Wellbeing: Breath-taking moments. Sibyl Magazine. For the Spirit and Soul of Woman. Retrieved from www.sibylmagazine.com.

by mary elaine kiener Leave a Comment

Love Your Heart with One Simple Change

Now is the perfect time to make One Simple Change that matters. Whether it’s through nutrition, exercise, hydrating, sleeping more, or stressing less there are endless ways to Love Your Heart.

If you’d to learn how you can get started with YOUR One Simple Change, fill out the form below.

Or, if you have a “heart-felt” story you’d like to share, feel free to add a comment below.

by mary elaine kiener Leave a Comment

A New Year = A Fresh Start: What’s Here for You? *

Ever wonder what nurses who are passionate about “self-care” talk about when they get together?

First, let me introduce you to Keith Carlson of NurseKeith.com and co-host of RN.FM Radio Show.

On January 21, 2013, I was a guest on Keith’s RN.FM Radio Show. You can catch a replay of the show here.

Keith had invited me to share a blog post for his readers. I did, and am also reposting it below:

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

During the first meeting of the year with my two “mastermind” buddies, Sue started us off with a centering exercise. As we paused to become aware of our individual surroundings, she invited us to first envision a clear whiteboard.

While I then expected to hear (and what she probably did say) was that there was a box of shiny “markers” next to the whiteboard. However, what I heard (and then visualized) was a box of shiny “erasers”!

Wow! I could tell this was going to be an interesting exercise, as long as I could graciously welcome what was there for me in that moment.

Step One: Pause. Noticing freshly what’s here inside now.

Hmmm. There’s the whiteboard itself – bright, shiny, and undisturbed – almost like freshly fallen snow. And there’s the box of shiny, multi-colored erasers. And nothing else.

Step Two: Turn. Letting go of any lingering need to do the exercise “right”, so that I can “be with” what’s here for me now.

Swiftly, some memories come:

From earlier that morning, as I had begun inputting more projects and action steps into the new software I was learning: worried feelings of “Oh my god, there’s SO much to do” and “Don’t make the list any longer.”
From decades ago, while I was still practicing bed-side nursing, whenever I would be assigned to a patient in isolation: a still not-understood/un-resolved “something” about the process of having to “gown up” (including mask and gloves) to be inside the patient’s room for an undetermined amount of time.

Step Three: Listen. Acknowledging, welcoming and hearing the “inner guest(s)” that arrive.

I find myself acknowledging the long-term relationship I’ve had with the decades-old “isolation room” experience– and recognize that the “felt-memory of it all” often stops by for a visit when I also feel overwhelmed by things that “need” to be done. There’s a sense that it’s also connected somehow to the overall concept of “time management.” It’s evident that there’s more to be learned here – and I let this old friend know I really want to take the time to get to know it better as the coming days unfold.

As I turn back to the still-present feeling of “there’s too much to do”, I notice several interrelated aspects unfolding within it:

There’s a difference between those activities I “have” to do and those I “want” [and/or “choose”] to do.
The software’s byline of “Simply Get it Done” brings a sense of comfort and ease inside of me – especially combined with a thought of including only those projects to which I have freely committed(in contrast to the necessary tasks/chores of daily life).
Ahh……now the new software-related project begins to feel more like an “Integrity List” that helps me assure to get those things done that I truly WANT to do.

Noticing a “felt-shift” inside of me, another memory fragment comes – of gently cradling my kitty, Sheba on the examination table during a New Year’s Eve visit to the veterinarian. Ahh….it begins to feel inside as if there is room for me to breathe and grow…..together…..with my “want-to-do” list.

As the envisioning exercise draws to a close (could it really have been only 2-3 minutes?), two new words come into my awareness about the whiteboard and the nearby erasers: “Spacious ease”.

What a delicious transformation from where I started the exercise. And, I take one more breath to thank my body-mind-spirit for yet another of its luscious gifts—in return for my taking a moment to “Pause, Turn and Listen” inside.

Perhaps you’d like to experience a transformative shift of your own about something current within your own life. I offer private sessions that can help you do just that.

*Note: An earlier version of this post was originally published on January 17, 2013.