Inside me, with you, among us
Sometimes I find great Stresswell Snippets in the oddest places.
A recent reminder arrived courtesy of the daily horoscope column in my local newspaper.
Though you love to take care of others, do not do this to such an extent that they forget how to take care of themselves. They’ll only resent you for it later.
Hmmmm. Lovely words of wisdom.
And the potential benefits are endless – for both the caregiv-er AND the caregiv-ee.
NOTE – this blog post even has some background music [ These Foolish Things – Chet Baker ] to go along with it. So, if you’ve got the sound turned “on”, you might want to click on the above link to listen along while you continue reading.
It had all started in the raspberry patch one morning as I was harvesting the first of the season’s raspberry crop. And during some “across-the-fence” visiting with neighbors, Penny and Marilyn, I happened to mention that it was the first anniversary of my mom’s death.
As I worked my way through the tangle of brambles, enjoying the luscious sweet taste on my lips as I sampled a few of the plump-ripe berries, I remembered how mom would drop everything when presented with a bowl of fresh-picked raspberries. She’d sit quietly, eating them one-by-one, savoring each one while dutifully emptying the bowl of its delights.
As I returned inside, I began to notice even more “foolish” things that daily serve to remind me of mom’s continuing presence in my life:
The glass cruet that mom kept filled with apple cider vinegar. I remember we poured it on sliced, fresh tomatoes in the summer-time and cooked, frozen spinach in the winter-time. I still love the taste of apple cider vinegar – often enjoying a spoonful of Bragg’s raw, organic vinegar in a glass of water.
Speaking of good things to drink, how about the beer mug that mom kept cold and ready in the refrigerator’s produce bin? How mom loved her beer – especially if it included a bowl of peanuts!
And, with the beer, would come mom’s generous laugh. Oh, how I loved her laugh – so full and rich and filled with life. She knew how important laughter is in our lives. And I keep her little plaque in my kitchen window to remind me that “a giggle a day keeps the glums away.”
And as mom grew older, one of my favorite rituals included cranking the nose on the clown music box to make it begin to play “Send in the Clowns.” Looking back, I’m not at all sure anymore whether that ritual ever made her actually “smile” [other than with a smile of toleration for my own silly ritual!]. But I did learn that all it really took to gladden her heart and light up her face with her soul-melting smile was to look up from her chair and see one of her kids or grandkids standing in the doorway of her room.
She was rightfully proud of the family she had grown–or at least I hope we’ve done her proud. As we were growing up, we’d celebrate our birthdays with a cake that she had made, using an iridescent glass plate on which to display it. It wasn’t until years later that I discovered that she had an entire set of those plates, along with a matching serving bowl in the cupboard.
Besides growing people, mom also grew plants–mostly the in-the-house type, like African violets or philodendron or English ivy. And, for a long time (at least when I was a little girl), there were voluptuous sweet potato vines growing in her two matching Roseville “pinecone” vases. A couple of weeks ago, after “baby-sitting” a neighbor’s vine, I decided to give it a try. So far, no roots, but hopes still abound.So many sweet memories. Isn’t it amazing how such simple things can stir up so many memories?
I appreciate being able to share some of my memories and stories with you – and would love to hear some of yours.
So, what are some of the simple, foolish things in YOUR surroundings that bring back sweet memories of loved ones?
Feel free to leave a comment below, or send me an email.
Jennifer Louden recently addressed the idea of becoming “Skillfully Empathetic” – an especially challenging dilemma for those of us who are caregivers. We have huge hearts, and often expect that somehow we must be able to care for everyone else in the world.
In the piece, Jen offered some really insightful perspectives related to boundary-setting, discernment and self-care–as part of her 3 year-long experiment in “Savoring and Serving.”
In addition, Jen shared a wonderful exercise in creating “energy boundaries” from Hiroboga‘s How to Rule Your World:
Ground, center, and be aware of your breath as it flows into your nostrils, flows down into your belly, and flows out of your body again.
Notice how your whole body, including your skin, expands a little when you breathe in, and contracts a little when you breathe out.
Make this a conscious movement now. Expand slightly on the in-breath. Contract slightly on the out-breath.
Now feel your own energy body all around you. Sense into it and notice its quality, its texture, its temperature, weight, density. Is it denser or more diffuse than the air around you?
Feel the boundary of your energy body, like a second skin, all around you—about three to four feet beyond your physical skin.
Scan it, to see if there are areas that feel more or less tangible to you. Are there areas that are so diffuse you can’t feel them at all? Others that are more dense or solid?
As you breathe in and out, let your whole energy field, including the skin of your boundary, expand and contract. Expand with the in-breath. Contract with the out-breath.
Make this a conscious, pumping movement. Flex and extend your energy body the same way that you expand and contract your physical body when you breathe in and out.
Notice if you can now sense the boundary of your energy body more clearly.
Now expand your energy body out further, until it fills the whole room that you’re in. Take your boundary right out to the four walls, the ceiling and the floor of your room.
Stay grounded and centered. If you moved out of center bring yourself back. Center your awareness first in your spine, then in the center of your head, and extend out from there throughout your whole body and into your energy field all around you.
Notice how you feel when your energy field is as big as the whole room.
Release any discomfort or tension down your grounding, and ask the earth to please transform it.
Now bring your energy field in, drawing it gradually closer to you until it is just an inch or two beyond your skin. Continue to breathe naturally, and let your boundary expand slightly with each in-breath and contract slightly with each out-breath.
Even though your field is so close to your body, it is still fluid and flexible.
Notice how this feels.
Then let your energy field expand again until it’s at a distance that feels comfortable and natural for you. Notice what that is for you right now.
As I read through and experienced this luscious exercise (thanks to both Jen and Hiroboga for making this available!), I was intrigued by how beautifully it might nurture the concept of “Self-In-Presence” that I teach as part of Focused Self Care. That is, perhaps becoming more skillful at sensing our boundaries at an energy-based level of body-mind-spirit-oriented knowing would also help us better respond to whatever challenges life brings our way.
For example, I often teach that we need only become “one breath bigger” than our biggest fear to become “Self-in Presence.” Now, with this lovely exercise, once we can become clearer about sensing, recognizing and even shifting ALL of our boundaries – whether it’s our “skin envelope”, our energy body or our energy field – it should be easier for us to become that one breath larger than our most anxious or fearful part.
Are you confused about what to eat? There are so many contradicting theories and food gurus out there.
I often marvel at how often the hymn tunes we sing on Sunday mornings, or the readings or the sermon reflect so clearly and dearly on issues I’m exploring throughout the rest of my life. [and just now, a part of me went “duh”…..church would be pretty useless if it didn’t relate to the rest of my life!].
Perhaps what I meant to say, was how I love being able to pause, and be reminded of how my life is living itself forward – sometimes quite unknowingly – from a place of inner rightness that only reveals tiny portions of itself at any given moment.
For example, several months ago, I shared a drawing and a poem through which I had begun to explore the concept of
I’m not alone – and it’s not all up to me.
as a means of discovering
Then, as the new year approached, I found myself choosing two themes to carry my living forward through the next 12 months – each of which I now realize flow seamlessly from that earlier piece.
In choosing the first – “exquisite sufficiency” – I’ve borrowed a bit from Buckminster Fuller as a means of more fully experiencing that elusive quality of “enough”. [hmmm – re-reading that sentence, I realize how oxymoronic it is – to more fully experience enough. Ah well, the hour is late, and the year is still young!]
And, as if that 1st theme didn’t promise me enough opportunity for growth, I discovered that a 2nd theme was also choosing ME – that of “community”. Interestingly enough, I had created a mandala drawing (see below) on January 1 – and only a week or so ago realized that in that drawing, I had already created a visual community.
As the year progresses, you’ll be hearing lots more about the various levels of community-building here at ASK ME House. For example, our Virtual Changes group continues to flourish and expand in scope, I’ve recently created a “Kitchen-Table-Circle of Allies“, started hosting a new Meetup group, am developing a formal internship program and will be incorporating an online community component to stresswell™.
And, this morning, as I joined my roomful of spiritual journey companions in song, it all felt so wonderfully (and sufficiently) right!
We Would Be One [1]
We would be one, as now we join in singing,
a song of love to pledge ourselves anew
to that high cause of greater understanding
of who we are, and what for us is true.
We would be one in searching for that meaning
which binds our hearts and guides us on our way.
In this post, I’m delighted to share a poem from one of my Focusing colleagues, Herbert Schroeder. I love this poem – and find that it’s applicable to ALL “those helpful people” – whether it’s the folks who surround me and/or the “treasure map” multiple parts inside of me.To All Those Helpful PeopleTo the people who thought that they couldMake me feel the way that I should,I say: “Let me be real,Whatever I feel;Stop trying to make me feel good!”
