I sat quietly with my eyes closed. With a whoosh(!), I felt my entire being swept gently-yet-firmly backwards at a “starship-enterprise” warp speed. In rapid, repetitive wave patterns, I was swiftly moving away, gaining distance from something—as if to offer me a 40,000-foot spaceship view and perspective. What had felt so immense and overpowering just seconds before became an unseen dot in the distance.
A few moments earlier, at the beginning of my “inner listening” practice, I had gently offered two seemingly disparate concepts an opportunity to create some new knowing. That is, how might the dimension of “transcending” intersect with a recent tumultuous situation?
First to bubble up were the words “I choose myself”—with a sense that no matter whatever might emerge out of that situation, I would retain that choose-ability. Then, as if transcending could speak, I felt it continue: “Yes, it will allow me to transcend all the craziness and the hurtfulness.” I also sensed an image of me, somehow suspended above a multitude of grasping hands of hate, fear, negativity, and conspiracy.
I grew curious how I might rise above the pettiness without becoming authoritarian, exhibiting a superior attitude or fueling the divisive-ness. My body awareness felt drawn to that place at the bottom of my torso in my hips where both the downward energy toward earth’s grounded-ness and the upward movement from my trunk, spine and head begin. I sensed a separateness, where nothing felt squished or jammed together without room to breathe. Although, neither did I feel a distinct divided-ness of a magician cutting the body in half. It seemed to be more about there simply being S P A C E between, creating a spacious-connectedness. It felt very different from “compromise” and more like a “shared” space in which there exists a possibility to find something fresh and new.
I also noticed a sense of grieving surrounding me there at this shared growing edge. I felt a grieving inside me and yet, I knew I could be ok with my own grief. I trust my process…. there’s a comfort in that knowingness. I felt more concerned about the immensity of grief from that grasping multitude of hands reaching out to me, as I recognized my own lingering fear of being swallowed up by everything that is outside…. recalling situations when I had absorbed another’s emotions…. becoming overwhelmed and paralyzed…. feeling victimized by what the other was feeling.
The whoosh(!) response offered both safety and distance in which to gain perspective and set healthful boundaries. I also sensed a gathering of “steely” courage inside, letting me know it would help me remain safe, strong and secure as I step forward onto a path for which I have long prepared.
* Originally published as => Kiener, M.E. (2016, December). Choosing Courageous Wellbeing: Transcending Tumult Sibyl Magazine. For the Spirit and Soul of Woman. Retrieved from www.sibylmagazine.com.