Crime Took a Holiday: Meaning-Making in Everyday Life
No crimes to report
Thursday, November 6, 2008. The email message was rather brief: “No crimes to report for Wednesday 11-5.” Each weekday, my local police department sends out a Daily Crime Report via email, detailing such things as “aggravated assault,” “property damage,” “larceny,” “B&E”, and so forth.
“How interesting,” I thought, and found myself pondering whether there was any meaning to be found in the apparent non-occurrence of violence. Was it mere coincidence that no crime occurred the day following Obama’s election?
Would you like a story with that happening?
As the days unfold, life continues to happen-around us and to us. Much of the time, we do not even pay attention. Every once in awhile, something begins to reach for our awareness and grab our attention, pressing our inner “pause” buttons. For example, one day we might stop to notice something beautiful in nature. We might take a deep breath of acknowledgement and gratitude and then simply continue with our day (albeit with an extra smile in our heart).
At other times, we hold on to that something, so that we can carry it with us. Most often, we do this by giving it a story. So now, we have something to play repeatedly in our head.
What happens when we become stuck in our own stories – in the drama of our lives? As we continue to collect and hold on to our stories, the load gets heavier and it becomes harder for us to move forward.
Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with a good story. Rather, it is helpful for us to consider the net effect of each story we create. Does our story help us take a step forward into living, or does it hold us back within a quagmire of emotional stuckness?
Which way forward?
There are varieties of creative methods to help us change negative stories into more helpful, positive stories. I invite you to follow along as I share a few examples:
Re-script the scene
Many years ago, my late husband, Alex flat-out disagreed with a choice that I had made. His response to my announcement was an emphatic “I cannot support this.” The more I replayed that scene in my head, I found myself feeling more frustrated and angry with both Alex and myself, as well as unable to move forward in the direction I had chosen.
However, I took the opportunity to re-script the scene to include some additional verbiage from Alex. To his terse statement of “I cannot support this”, I added the following dialogue: “…..right now, based on my current understanding of the situation. I love you and am afraid that you will get hurt. Maybe, over time, I can feel more confident and be able to give you more support.”
This new script helped free me from my own negative emotional response, as it allowed me to move forward slowly in the direction I knew I needed to go. This process also provided a compassionate space of understanding between Alex and me, which then offered him an opportunity to observe and grow more comfortable with the situation.
Call it what it is
I had been finding myself increasingly uncomfortable whenever I heard someone use the phrase, “You need to get out of your comfort zone.” Somehow, adding a layer of guilt for my supposed laziness did not seem to encourage me to spring into action-especially if it entailed the certainty of more discomfort.
Yet, when I examined my image of “comfort zone,” I discovered that within this context, it more closely resembles a “fear zone” in which I become imprisoned. Allowing myself to simply acknowledge and name the current fear-along with my stated goal-is often enough to help me step outside the zone of fear.
Reframe the story
Recently, a friend reported that she was experiencing a “fear of success” that threatened to keep her from doing what she needed to help grow her business. She made a decision to acknowledge and befriend her sense of fear within a spirit of caring, compassionate curiosity.
The next morning, she excitingly shared that what she had previously defined as fear, had begun to shift. Instead, she had awoken with a sense of a growing “readiness to learn” the next new thing that awaited her.
Deciding how much to believe of our stories
In 1824, in “Tales of a Traveler,” Washington Irving confessed, “I am always at a loss to know how much to believe of my own stories.” Sometimes, as in the case of the curious non-crime report, the veracity of any specific cause-effect story would be hard to prove, so it obviously would not be the type of story to proclaim as absolute truth.
On the other hand, if any of my own personal stories helps to propel me forward into positive action (especially if I do not require anyone else to accept or approve it), then I am willing to welcome the creative opportunity into my life.
Image Credits (unless otherwise noted, all on Flickr (cc) Some Rights Reserved) :
1. Oh Happy Day by Mary Elaine Kiener (cc) Some Rights Reserved
2. Rewritten Sign by The Loopweaver
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